Pet Peeves OR My Friends are Assholes

•December 19, 2011 • 1 Comment

Anyone who knows me knows that I have pet peeves that are nerdy and very specific. Unfortunately, I have a friend who knows these pet peeves ALL TOO WELL. And takes advantage of this power. You want to know why I don’t let people get close to me? IT’S BECAUSE THEY ABUSE THEIR POWER.

NR:  Does it bother you you’re the only azn alive who’s bad at math ;D
me:  I am GREAT at math.
NR:  Uh huh
me:  I took AP Calc in high school!
NR:  And in college? Where education actually means something?
me:  I, uh, took a stats class. AND GOT AN A IN IT…
NR:  I rest my case
me:  I GOT AN A! and I COULD have taken math classes and I would have done AMAZINGLY, fuckface.
NR:  I mean, you can’t be any worse at math than you are at English…
me:  GASP! This conversation is OVER.
NR:  [set down phone, go to class laughing maniacally]
me:  OVER!!!!!!
NR:  P.S. Times New Roman is the best font for all occasions.
me:  Why do you want to hurt me?
NR:  Also Papryus and comic sans are good for “creative” documents
me:  YOU ARE THE DEVIL!
NR:  Really you don’t need any other fonts anyway. Photoshop and MS paint are basically the same
me:  I’m mentally making a list of the most brutal ways I can kill you.
NR:  Do you think about that alot?
me:  http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html …and I know you did that on purpose…and I DO think about that alot. He’s my favorite alot.
NR:  I do did not do that on porpoise
me:  I’ve grown weary of your childish games.
NR:  Moar lies
me: Now you’re just running out of material.

So what have we learned? I am phenomenal at mastering the English language. Times New Roman can suck one, unless you are writing an academic paper. Papyrus and Comic Sans need to go to the place where fonts go to DIE. Don’t you dare insult any Adobe products (except Flash. Fuck Flash…). And “a lot” is two words (and yes, I do send everyone that link if they ever say “alot”).

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I think I’ve got this whole “work out” thing down…Or do I?

•December 12, 2011 • 1 Comment

Today marks day 8 of my new gym membership. And day 7 of out 8 that I’ve gone to work out.

I’ll pause for your praise and applause.

Thank you. I’m pretty proud of myself too. Plus, it turns out, I actually ENJOY going to the gym. Woah. I’m sure that novelty will wear off, but until then…go me!

I’m determined to get in shape and lose weight and build muscle (seriously. If I’ve learned anything this past week, it’s that my legs are fucking MACHINES, but I have ZERO upper body strength. “What do you mean I can’t lift less than 30lbs on this machine?!” has been uttered more than once…) but now I’m running into people saying “Don’t overdo it.”

Don’t overdo it? What is “overdoing” it, exactly? My basic workout has been a 30-minute run, 30-minute bike, and some sort of weight lifting (alternating legs and arms). Doesn’t seem like overkill to me. But I’ve been given advice like “limit your cardio to 45 minutes, because if your body gets used to 60-minutes of cardio, and then you go down from there, it won’t be effective anymore.” But if you want results, you need to work hard, right?
Or saying that working out EVERY day is too much. Maybe limit it 4-5 times a week. But doesn’t most medical research say that you should get exercise everyday? And if my job requires me to sit on my ass behind a desk, then shouldn’t I try to make it into the gym everyday?

In fact, I just came across this video recently about the single best thing you can do for your health. The answer? Exercise.

 

So, what is “overdoing it”? I’m looking at you, runner friends and fitness fanatics.

If I want to lose weight, and I currently have the motivation and discipline to get myself into the gym every day, shouldn’t I take advantage of it? I don’t think I’m doing anything crazy like 3 hours of cardio every day and not eating. I just want to get in shape, and if 30 minutes of cardio is good and burns calories, isn’t 60 minutes better?

Merry Freakin’ Christmas

•December 7, 2011 • 1 Comment

Christmas time is here. Families drawing near. Fun for all that CHILDREN call “the greatest time of year.”

Unfortunately, this year, I think I’ve officially made the jump into adulthood. I’ve decided there are two things that scream “CONGRATULATIONS! You are now an ADULT!”
The first, is when your friends start having children ON PURPOSE / it isn’t a scandal when someone your age gets pregnant. (and seriously. to all of my friends: stop getting engaged! it’s freaking me out.)

The second is when your Christmas list looks like mine.

1. Crock pot.
2. Cook book wit awesome recipes for said crock pot.
3. Vacuum cleaner.
4. Kitchen supplies (spatula, baking pans, measuring cups, etc.)

 

How BORING am I? But these are things I NEED and don’t want to buy for myself. And I actually AM excited about them, which is even more sad.
Mom: A very homey Christmas! :-) Welcome to adulthood!

Me: BAH! Will you get me a Barbie or something too? Just to offset this “adulthood” thing a bit?

Mom: Barbie??? Sure.

Me: Or a puppy!

Mom: woof.

Me: Seriously though. I’m gonna need a toy or something so I don’t feel so old.

Mom: You’ll find out if you’re on Santa’s good list. I don’t remember any fun things on your wish list.

 

Fuck you, Santa. Bring me a puppy.

Bikram Yoga OR I Never Knew I Could Sweat So Much

•September 21, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Yesterday I tried Bikram Yoga for the first time. I drank plenty of water during the day leading up to my 4:30pm class. I tried to stay positive about it. Yes, this will be hard. Yes, it will be hot. But I can do hard things. This is good for me. Detoxifying and cleansing. It’s only the first day. I can DO THIS.

I had NO idea what I was getting myself into.

For those who don’t know, Bikram Yoga is a 90-minute yoga class that goes through 26 poses and 2 breathing exercises in a room that is heated to 105 degrees with 40% humidity.

There are really no words to describe the heat and humidity. I don’t think I could ever be hydrated enough to not get dehydrated in that room. The instructor said that for your first couple of classes just being able to stay in the room for the full 90 minutes was an accomplishment. She wasn’t kidding. These were my thoughts throughout the class: (Times are approximate because they don’t have a clock…)

4:20pm: Okay, Danielle. Let’s go into the room 10 minutes early to lay down and get used to the room.
4:25pm: This isn’t too bad. It’s warm, but I can handle this!
4:30pm: “Raise your hand if you’re one of our 6 new students today!” Crap. *Raises hand*
4:45pm: This isn’t so bad. Breathe in through your nose. Out through your mouth. Relaxing!
4:50pm:  Wait, you want me to bend my body HOW? Maybe I should have taken a regular yoga class first. How is that guy doing that? I am NOT a pretzel.
5:00pm: I thought I was wearing a light pink tank top today…huh. It’s 100% a different color now. I never knew I could sweat so much!
5:10pm: People are dripping. I can literally see sweat FALLING off of people. This is so gross.
5:15pm: Oh good, we get to lay on the floor now. Phew.
5:20pm: Sit-ups? We have to sit up RAPIDLY? Dear God I’m going to pass out.
5:22pm: Yeah, I think I’m just going to lay here….
5:30pm: I can’t breathe. I’m going to suffocate. My body is tingly. I can feel my heartbeat in every inch of my body. Why is everything spinning? Is this what death feels like?
5:35pm: Look at the nice breeze outside in the trees. DAMN YOU TREES. I want to be a tree. Outside of this room. HOW MUCH TIME COULD BE LEFT?
5:45pm: Maybe I’ll try another pose. *Sits up and is immediately dizzy* Yep, that’s not going to happen. *Lays back down*
5:55pm: Ah, the last set of breathing exercises. I can do these.
6:00pm: “Feel free to stay in the room and enjoy your savasana. Namaste” Fuck that. Get me the hell out of this room!

 

Maybe someday I’ll try it again. Maybe I’ll do a regular-temperature yoga class first.

Such a Pretty Fat

•August 10, 2011 • 3 Comments

(Sorry, Jen Lancaster, but it’s just such a witty title…)

This is not going to be an easy post to write, seeing as I’m not very good at sharing. But I need to hold myself accountable and putting it all out there on the interwebz seems like the perfect idea. That way, all you wonderful, supportive friends of mine can come back and point to this post if I ever want to slack off. I can’t hide anymore.

I have gained weight. And I want to lose it.

Once upon a time…let’s call it High School, I looked like this:

and I thought I was “fat.” I danced pretty much constantly and ran track. I stayed in shape (plus, being young with a rockstar metabolism didn’t hurt!) without ever really setting foot in a gym.

Then college happened. And I stopped dancing. and I stopped running. And I worked 2 jobs and went to school full-time and spent the rest of my time in the theatre (sitting behind a tech table), library, or consuming empty calories from beer.

Then I graduated from college and worked full-time at a BURGER restaurant. Eating burgers and deep-fried food everyday did wonders for my body…but not in the good way. After being on my feet all day, everyday at work, the last thing I wanted to do was work out. All I wanted was to sit down at a bar and grab a beer.

It’s just so easy to get content. Why eat a salad and go for a run when I could order a pizza and cuddle on the couch and watch a movie with my boyfriend every night?

And then one day I woke up, and I looked like this:

And it’s like…how did I GET here? I don’t even recognize this person. I have no energy. I feel unhealthy. I feel unattractive. I feel unhappy.

And that was my breaking point. I WILL lose weight. And I’m posting it here because I need to be held accountable somewhere. It’s so easy to feel lazy and not want to go work out…but I need to.

My sister is getting married in May 2012. I want to have lost a significant amount of weight by then so I look good in her bridesmaid dress.

I don’t have a goal weight. Because I don’t know my weight right now. My goal is to FEEL healthy. to FEEL happy. and to FEEL attractive again.

Follow along with my workouts on DailyMile. And when I’m feeling lazy, tired, or unmotivated…#PUSHEMILY.

 

I don’t want to be the girl in those pictures anymore. 

Happiness vs. Selfishness

•July 27, 2011 • Leave a Comment

I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness recently. What it means to be truly happy. What makes you truly happy. How important happiness is. When you should forgo happiness for reality. IF you should ever forgo happiness for reality. Does that mean reality isn’t happy?

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching. I feel like I’ve done this twice before in my life. The first time, I was 17 years old and about to graduate high school.

SO YOUNG!

Trying to choose a college is tough when you have no sense of direction…or rather, 20 senses of direction and no idea which to follow. You’re 17 years old, you barely know who you are, who you’re going to be, or who you even WANT to be, and you’re supposed to make a decision that will impact the course of the rest of you life?

My “solution”? Paralyzation. In a panic, I chose the school that offered me the most money in scholarships and grants (and by “I” I actually mean “My Parents.”). Marquette was a great school. 100% for me? That’s a question I ask often. But I got an amazing education.

Enter soul searching #2. College graduation.

CLEARLY I've matured...

Now that I’m equipped with all the tools and knowledge that I need, I am free to go off into the real world and…do…something. ANYTHING.

My “solution”? Become completely petrified. For starters, the job market isn’t really…welcoming college graduates with open arms. And really, I wasn’t sure what “IT” was that I should be doing. I spent 4 years studying and “perfecting” this craft, but how do I even know if this is what I want to do?

 

Fast forward a year, and I have it all figured out. I’ve got a job…and a good job too…that is in my field of study (which NEVER happens) and I don’t know if I’m happy. I want to be fighting for a cause that I think is worth fighting for. I want to go off, sword drawn, fire blazing into the nonprofit world and help people that I feel NEED help.

But first, I want to go to Africa. Get a complete culture shock. Get a completely new outlook on life. Help people who truly could use it. Teach them WHILE learning from them. I need life experience and something to shape the way I look at the world other than the bubbles I’ve grown up in.

Which brings us back to the happiness question. Packing up my things. Leaving behind my life and people here….regardless of how long it is for (3 weeks? a month? 3 months? a year?)…to do something that I’ve always wanted to do. That I feel compelled to do. Is that selfish? Is it selfish to want to find happiness? And if I DON’T go…will I just feel resentment toward the people who keep me here?

When following your dreams, where does the selfish line stand?

DO YOU HATE CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?

•July 25, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Then PLEASE do you part today to help out an AMAZING nonprofit organization in Chicago: The Chicago Children’s Advocacy Center.

This organization helps abused and sexually abused children in Chicago and provides them with the advocacy and support they need to heal.

They are currently in the running to win a new van in Toyota’s 100 Cars for Good contest. Currently, over 80% of the children they help required transportation services to and from their center. Another van will increase the number of children they are able to help.

Please go to http://apps.facebook.com/carsforgood today to vote for them. It will take 30 seconds out of your day and will drastically help the abused children in Chicago.

This can be your good deed for the day.