Nobody keeps their New Years Resolutions…

…so I’m calling these “2012 Goals.” That changes everything, right?

Had a nice chat with my mom about weight loss when I was home for the holidays. Usually they end with me in tears and refusing to eat for a week or two. (SUPER healthy relationship that I have with food, right?) But this one was really helpful and productive. Maybe this is called “growing up.”

Anyway, she suggested Weight Watchers to me. It’s worked for her in the past. It’s worked for her friends. I know people it’s worked for. Heck, I personally know a WW Success Story (Jennifer Hudson commercial here). I can do it online and not have to go to any of the ridiculous meetings (sorry, I know they work for some people, but it’s just not my cup o’ tea. At all.). The only downside is that I would have to weigh myself. And that’s something that I was hoping to avoid. I wanted to do this for myself. To get healthier. And that I’m not just a number and blah blah blah blah. But really? Probably just afraid of the scale. But then I came across this in Pinterest:

And I realized that I can work out as much as I want, but unless I develop a healthier relationship with food, I’m never going to lose any weight. I go back and forth between seriously depriving myself from any nutrition, to saying “fuck it” and eating whatever I want because it makes me happy, to feeling incredibly guilty every time I eat, and back to depriving myself. It’s unhealthy and counter-productive. My body is confused by what I’m putting into it (TWSS…).

So. Today, I joined Weight Watchers. Step 1…input weight. So, I went to the gym (since I don’t own a scale…yet) to work out, knowing full well that at the end of my workout was going to be that dreaded moment of weighing myself. Ran 30 minutes. Did some upper-body weight lifting. Biked another 30…and then slowly sauntered over to the scale. And?

Fuckity fuck fuck god freakin damnit. Seriously? That is a big number.  I was NOT ready for that.

Jumped off the scale and went home. Where I wanted to drown myself in mashed potatoes (my comfort food!), but instead grabbed a bag of baby carrots, jumped on my computer, and entered my weight into the website. Because I’m going to do this right.

It’s not about losing weight. It’s about making a lifestyle change. So, eating healthier. Cooking more. Continuing to work out (Today marked my 1-month gym-iversary!). Tracking my progress. Because that number? On the scale? I REFUSE to ever see that number again.

So, back to my “2012 Goals.” Here we go.

Eat Healthier.  Cook more, so I have more control over what I consume. Lean meats (chicken, turkey…not hard since I don’t really eat red meat anyway, but truly do away with burgers) and more veggies! Thank goodness for my new crock pot! And now I have my handy WW iPhone app to keep me in check too!

Stay Active. Keep up with the gym membership. I feel happier, healthier, and just better about myself after a good work out. Walk more. Difficult in the winter, since it’ll be bitterly cold and snowy soon. But I think getting a car was the worst thing for me. I live 5 blocks from Walgreens. I don’t need to drive there. I think I’ll buy a pedometer to track my steps…for science!

Blog more. I’m being completely candid on this blog (minus telling you my weight. Only me and my Weight Watchers tracker will ever know the truth!) because I’m using it to hold myself accountable. I can hide from myself and lie to myself, but if I put it out there? I know I’m more likely to follow through.

Be Happier. Personally. Professionally (that’s a big one this year). How? Not sure yet. Make changes. Moving out of my apartment is going to be a big one. Figuring out what I want to do with my life. Does it involve going back to school? Not sure yet. Currently reading “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. I’ll report back once I’ve finished it!

There you have it. 2011 was a year all about getting what I thought I wanted, but then realizing that it wasn’t at ALL what I wanted, and ending up worse off than I had started. 2012 is going to be about finally getting it right. Well, as “right” as you can be when you’re 23-24 years old.

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~ by etau on January 2, 2012.

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