Why I suck at blogging and also real life friends are good too.
also and too. I enjoy being redundant. and repetitive.
I decided that I suck at blogging because I’m not big on “sharing my thoughts and feelings.” I mean, not for anything that actually matters. I could be all “OMGZ. I ate the toast with butter and it was ah-MAZE-ing.” but that’s what Twitter is for, amirite? (I also probably suck at blogging because I think I’m hilarious, and I doubt many others would agree. HA.) But really, ask some of my girlfriends. Most of our conversations are one-sided because they like to discuss and analyze every aspect of every action out loud to another female. Ya know, typical “girl behavior.” (Actually, DON’T ask my girlfriends. They’d probably disagree and would be offended that I’d think such a thing. Gasp.) I, on the other hand, tend to internalize EVERYTHING. (This is probably why I SUCK at being a good bosom buddy, but that’s another story. Let’s stick to one thing I suck at at a time here.) Don’t get me wrong, I’m not weirdly unable to express emotion…I can share my feelings ABOUT boyfriend WITH boyfriend, but I don’t need to share my feeling about OTHER PEOPLE with him. Are you picking up what I’m laying down? Good.
Anyway, I’m going to work on that because I like to blog. I’m self-absorbed enough (HA.) But really, let’s pretend that people actually care about what I have to say. I need to please my fans, don’t I? (HAx2.) So, here we go! Emily shares her feelings. Hold on tight.
Yesterday kind of sucked.
No, I take that back (I’m typing. could have used the “delete” key. but, alas, no. I’m making a POINT here, people.)
Yesterday morning kind of sucked.
My mother wants me to design our family’s Christmas letter (talk about self-absorbed traditions. Don’t get me started…) because I’m the only one in the family who knows how to use any program outside of MS Word, so she sent me the text she wants in the letter. It goes something like this:
“[Dad] quit his job that he hates and is working for his old company again. He is happy happy happy.
[Mom]’s advising job at the college she’s worked at forever finally became full-time and with that means benefits, money, and more respect. She also went to New Mexico because her life is FUN!
[Sister] is still a wonderfully compassionate NURSE and the pride of the family. Oh and she got ENGAGED to her shiny wonderful boyfriend who gave her a shiny wonderful ring.
[Emily] graduated MU and is working as a waitress. Oh, and she rides a bike.”
Okay, slightly exaggerated Reader’s Diagest version, but yes, my mother added “Emily spent her summer bicycling around Milwaukee.” That’s my news to tell friends and family. I bike. Someone start the parade…
Which, of course, sends me into a “AHHH WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE!!!” freak out. (Here’s where I suck at talking about what I really feel?) Let’s just say, not pretty. The job market sucks. I DO love the job I have, but occasionally I feel like I should be doing something more…meaningful? with my life. Sigh. I’m just…discouraged lately.
And then, of course, I finally get ahold of the Illinois DMV (for those who aren’t following, my wallet got stolen 2 months ago. The DMV still hasn’t gotten me a new license. Even though they cashed my check that came with my application on Nov. 29th…) and they’re all like “oh, we sent that out on Nov. 24…” and I said “awesome. Well, I’m calling because I DON’T HAVE IT.” So, now I have to fax them (side note: with all the technology we have, why do we still use fax machines? Also, why haven’t fax machines evolved AT ALL? Strange.) and request yet ANOTHER license. And to top it off, the woman was possibly the least pleasant person in the world. Just RUDE and unhappy. So, thanks crabby DMV lady.
So I go out to lunch with my roommate to Trocadero to visit Eric and get some food (and this AMAZING blood orange margarita because I was NOT in a good mood.) And while I was there, I get a phone call from one of my theatre friends from Marquette asking me to go to dinner with all the tech kids. I’m in.
So, I went to dinner with a bunch of my underclassmen from the Theatre Department and caught up with them. It was wonderful and just made me smile from ear to ear. (Also, made me feel OLD. They’re talking about finals and all that jazz. Did I really just graduate only 7 months ago? How am I already like, 60? Eh, sonny??)
Then, post-dinner, I stopped by to see boyfriend at work and he gave me a rice-crispy treat with chocolate (yep, he knows how to make me feel better too!)
And then I went over to my old roommate’s (from my senior year) apartment and just spend the night sitting around and catching up. Painting our nails. Drinking wine. It was…perfect. Just what I needed.
I guess the moral of my story is that sometimes you just need people. And the things that had you in tears no longer seem that important.
You hear that, job market? Screw you. I have people that love me. I’m not letting your lack of wanting me make me feel discouraged anymore. Because in the end, having people is what matters.