The “Dos” and “Don’ts”
DO tip your bartender.
I understand that you spent more money than you intended to by buying the entire bar a round of shots of Jameson. I realize that you probably didn’t want to spend $50. That, however, is your fault. I merely provided you great service, engaged you in thrilling conversation, and poured you drinks so you could enjoy your night. It is still your responsibility to tip your bartender. 20% is acceptable. If you do not tip, or tip poorly, your bartender will remember. Expect poor service and weak drinks next time you come in. Take care of your bartenders, and they will take care of you.
DON’T assume you get preferential treatment.
“I know the owner” only works if you…know the owner…personally. Remember, I know the owner too, and I’m pretty sure he wants all the customers to leave happy. When the bar is completely full, yelling at the bartender and pushing past other people who are waiting for drinks is a GREAT way to be ignored. Wait your turn. I promise you will be able to continue the dehydration process soon enough. Those few moments of not sucking down your vodka cranberry might actually do you some good.
DO talk to your bartender.
There are times when the bar is slow and we are able to actually hold conversations with the bar guests. We like getting to know our customers. We know you like being on a first-name basis with your bartender. We’re like doctors; there is a “doctor-patient confidentiality” …well, to an extent. We may anonymously share your story with our friends, but only if it’s too funny to not pass on. We’re like therapists. Talk to us about what’s going on in your life. I promise we’re cheaper than seeing an actual therapist.
DON’T be irresponsible with your drinking.
You CAN be kicked out of a bar. If you’re not having a good time with your friends and/or date and you want to go home, a sure-fire way to get kicked out is by puking or passing out on the bar. Don’t be that person who wants to dance on the bar (unless you’re at that kind of, uh, establishment). The bar does not make a good pillow, trust me. Everyone in the bar WILL remember you as the person who puked in their own drink, if this happens. Be responsible and grab a glass of water between drinks. This isn’t a frat house…just remember that!
DO have fun!
It’s a bar. You visit us to forget that you’re in a dead-end job with a slave-driver boss. You visit us with your girlfriends to forget that your boyfriend/fiance/husband didn’t acknowledge your new outfit/haircut. You visit us to let loose and let your hair down because you’ve been living in a suit, in a cubicle, staring at a computer screen all week. Have fun, relax, and enjoy yourself. Just remember the cardinal rules!