I’m in repair. I’m not together but I’m getting there.

•October 24, 2012 • Leave a Comment

It’s been a while, eh? I’ve been going through some major life adjustments and it’s caused me to realize that I really don’t like a lot of things about myself. Which, I know, is a terribly unattractive quality. But that’s what I’m trying to fix. And it’s the perfect opportunity. One major life change creates opportunities for other changes. That being said, I know I’ve talked about losing weight on this before. I may have bullshitted about my reasons, but let’s not kid ourselves. My primary motivation was that my sister was getting married and I wanted to not be a completely disgusting fat blob in all her wedding pictures. I dropped 20lbs and looked…presentable.

Me and the beautiful bride/sister!

And then I got lazy. Or busy. Let’s go with busy. I got busy, started working 60 hours/week, and made excuses. Plus, it’s always easier and more fun to lay on the couch with the boyfriend, eat pizza, and watch movies, than it is to go work out. Or so I thought. But I felt like shit…and it showed. So, now that I’m single again, I can take this time to focus on me. Which is what I need to do…which is what I had really lost in all of this.

And, in case I ever get lazy/busy again, which I’m sure will happen because, let’s face it, sometimes LIFE happens, I’m making myself a list of reasons to lose weight.

  1. Because you feel GOOD after a workout. I know sometimes it’s more tempting to stay on the couch and watch a marathon of Gossip Girl on Netflix, but trust me. At minimum, go for a 30 minute run. Gossip Girl will still be there when you get back, and you will have SO much more energy. The hardest part is always putting on your shoes. Just, GO.
  2. To feel sexy again. Because let’s face it. You’re 24 years old and avoiding relationships because you’re embarrassed of your body. That’s just…not okay. Feeling sexy = confidence, and we all know that’s what is really the most attractive quality. I don’t have to BE sexy, I just want to FEEL sexy…wait, scratch that. I want to look sexy too ;)
  3. To have the energy and endurance to run a 5k without stopping. Maybe someday a marathon, but let’s start with a more achievable one. Sure I can run/walk on the tredmill for an hour, but I want to increase the “run” time and decrease the “walk” time.
  4. I want to own a pair of shorts. I don’t think I’ve worn shorts (and we’re talking non-work out shorts) since…junior high? Even though I wasn’t overweight in high school, my body image issues prevented me from stepping foot into a pair of shorts. Nobody wants to see these sturdy, German-field-worker legs (thanks, mom.)
  5. I want to stop adjusting my clothes all the time! Pulling down my shirt, pulling up my jeans. I seriously can’t take three steps without wanting to adjust my shit.
  6. To actually enjoy going shopping. Pinterest introduces you to such cute style that does NOT look good on my frame. Leggings? Boots? Cute summer dresses? Skinny jeans? Yup. Someday :)

Anything to add? What is your motivation to get/stay healthy?

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Victories!

•February 8, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Today is a good day.

I mean, it started out kind of shitty because the Milwaukee Parking Nazis struck again (and then again 12 hours later) and because some people REALLY need to take a class in how to be productive members of society (with a special section in how to behave and tip properly in restaurants).

But once I left work, I headed to Target (where I ALMOST spent under $100! So close…) and bought a new pair of jeans and….I’m down a jeans size!! Let’s hear it for some non-scale victories! I can’t remember the last time I bought a new pair of jeans and was actually HAPPY about it.

But then I came home and remembered that today was my weekly weigh-in day…so I hopped on the scale and…I’ve passed my first goal weight!! Let’s hear it for some scale victories!

So now to celebrate, I’m heading to the gym for a nice long workout (and also because I ate a delicious Barrie Burger at Bombers today…) and then getting some laundry done.

I live a thrilling life :)

This is your LIFE.

•January 17, 2012 • 1 Comment

So, if you are my Facebook friend or follow me on Twitter, you’ve probably seen me post this image before. And if you spend any time on the internets at all, I’m sure you’ve seen it. But it’s my favorite.

It’s the beginning that just jumps out and smacks me across the face. “This is your life. Do what you love and do it often. If you don’t like something, change it. If you don’t like your job, quit.”

And so that’s what I did. It wasn’t a rash, impulse decision. It was drawn out. Probably too drawn out. And it was difficult because the economy is crap and the job market is still relatively non-existant. And I know that I’m lucky to even have a job in my area of study, when there are so many people who don’t have that. And it felt selfish. And maybe it was selfish. BUT, I was unhappy.

If you know me, you probably know the whole story. If you don’t, you can ask if you really want to know. I’m not going to air my grievances on my blog because that’s unprofessional and immature. But I’ll just say that there were a lot of contributing factors to my decision. But the bottom line was that I was incredibly unhappy and was slowly realizing that this was not the place for me.

So, I talked to my friends, my family, and people whose opinions I respected. I discussed my situation and they all expressed that they could sense how unhappy I was. That my current situation was mentally and emotionally affecting me and, while they understood my hesitation to quit, thought that I needed to do what is best for me.

So, last Monday I put in my two weeks notice. And this Friday is officially my last day. And then I’m jumping back on the bartending and serving wagon at AJ Bombers and The Smoke Shack. And I’m going to figure out the next step as I go. Because I know there is something better for me out there. I just don’t know what it is yet. Maybe it involves traveling to another country. Or moving to another state. Or maybe I stay right in Milwaukee. I don’t know yet.

What I do know is that the moment I quit, I felt a huge weight get lifted off me. I know that I’m happier already. I know that I’ll never be one who puts money ahead of happiness. Call it idealistic or naive, but that’s who I am.

 

…..Just promise that if you ever see me living in a cardboard box on the street, you’ll buy me an Egg McMuffin and a bottle of Jack.

And after week one…

•January 11, 2012 • Leave a Comment

This is slowly turning into a weight-loss blog, isn’t it? I promise I’ll talk about something else soon! Just…not today.

Because, ladies and gentlemen, today is one week since I started WW. One month and one week ago I decided to finally kick my ass into gear and start regularly going to the gym…I’m talking 5+ days a week. But I was still afraid of the scale. Then, one month to the day of my new workout regimen, I joined WW and finally weighed myself. Now, one week later, I can officially say that I’ve lost…

*drumroll*

3.5 pounds!!! :)

I have a long way to go, but what a great start! And great motivation :)

So, I leave you with this:
(and I PROMISE my next post won’t be weight-loss/fitness related!)

Nobody keeps their New Years Resolutions…

•January 2, 2012 • Leave a Comment

…so I’m calling these “2012 Goals.” That changes everything, right?

Had a nice chat with my mom about weight loss when I was home for the holidays. Usually they end with me in tears and refusing to eat for a week or two. (SUPER healthy relationship that I have with food, right?) But this one was really helpful and productive. Maybe this is called “growing up.”

Anyway, she suggested Weight Watchers to me. It’s worked for her in the past. It’s worked for her friends. I know people it’s worked for. Heck, I personally know a WW Success Story (Jennifer Hudson commercial here). I can do it online and not have to go to any of the ridiculous meetings (sorry, I know they work for some people, but it’s just not my cup o’ tea. At all.). The only downside is that I would have to weigh myself. And that’s something that I was hoping to avoid. I wanted to do this for myself. To get healthier. And that I’m not just a number and blah blah blah blah. But really? Probably just afraid of the scale. But then I came across this in Pinterest:

And I realized that I can work out as much as I want, but unless I develop a healthier relationship with food, I’m never going to lose any weight. I go back and forth between seriously depriving myself from any nutrition, to saying “fuck it” and eating whatever I want because it makes me happy, to feeling incredibly guilty every time I eat, and back to depriving myself. It’s unhealthy and counter-productive. My body is confused by what I’m putting into it (TWSS…).

So. Today, I joined Weight Watchers. Step 1…input weight. So, I went to the gym (since I don’t own a scale…yet) to work out, knowing full well that at the end of my workout was going to be that dreaded moment of weighing myself. Ran 30 minutes. Did some upper-body weight lifting. Biked another 30…and then slowly sauntered over to the scale. And?

Fuckity fuck fuck god freakin damnit. Seriously? That is a big number.  I was NOT ready for that.

Jumped off the scale and went home. Where I wanted to drown myself in mashed potatoes (my comfort food!), but instead grabbed a bag of baby carrots, jumped on my computer, and entered my weight into the website. Because I’m going to do this right.

It’s not about losing weight. It’s about making a lifestyle change. So, eating healthier. Cooking more. Continuing to work out (Today marked my 1-month gym-iversary!). Tracking my progress. Because that number? On the scale? I REFUSE to ever see that number again.

So, back to my “2012 Goals.” Here we go.

Eat Healthier.  Cook more, so I have more control over what I consume. Lean meats (chicken, turkey…not hard since I don’t really eat red meat anyway, but truly do away with burgers) and more veggies! Thank goodness for my new crock pot! And now I have my handy WW iPhone app to keep me in check too!

Stay Active. Keep up with the gym membership. I feel happier, healthier, and just better about myself after a good work out. Walk more. Difficult in the winter, since it’ll be bitterly cold and snowy soon. But I think getting a car was the worst thing for me. I live 5 blocks from Walgreens. I don’t need to drive there. I think I’ll buy a pedometer to track my steps…for science!

Blog more. I’m being completely candid on this blog (minus telling you my weight. Only me and my Weight Watchers tracker will ever know the truth!) because I’m using it to hold myself accountable. I can hide from myself and lie to myself, but if I put it out there? I know I’m more likely to follow through.

Be Happier. Personally. Professionally (that’s a big one this year). How? Not sure yet. Make changes. Moving out of my apartment is going to be a big one. Figuring out what I want to do with my life. Does it involve going back to school? Not sure yet. Currently reading “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. I’ll report back once I’ve finished it!

There you have it. 2011 was a year all about getting what I thought I wanted, but then realizing that it wasn’t at ALL what I wanted, and ending up worse off than I had started. 2012 is going to be about finally getting it right. Well, as “right” as you can be when you’re 23-24 years old.

And you say you work in the service industry?

•December 21, 2011 • Leave a Comment

A: I’ll have a vodka soda.

Server: Ok…uh, what kind of soda? coke…sprite..?

A: No, like soda soda. Club soda? Seltzer?

Server: Ah, ok!

[Server scampers off]

[A receives drink and takes a sip]

A: This isn’t soda.It kind of tastes like tonic, but I’m not sure…

[walks over to bar to talk to 80-year-old bartender]

A: This is just a vodka soda right?

Bartender: Yeah. Does it not taste like it?

A: I think I taste tonic.

Bartender: Nope. No tonic. Just soda. I made it a press. That’s what soda IS.

A: …No. No it’s not.

 

*facepalm* So that just happened.

Dear Santa…

•December 20, 2011 • 2 Comments

I’ve been relatively good this year. I mean, good in the sense that I didn’t kill anyone or pillage any small, unsuspecting towns. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t have my fair share of black-out drunk nights, but that’s all in good fun. I’m sure you’ve been there too, right Santa? Your sneaky Santa! Gettin’ a little too jolly with the eggnog.

Anyway, based on my near-impeccable behavior, I’ve decided that I deserve everything on my Christmas list this year. Extravagance is nothing when it comes to Christmas, amirite?

First, I need a container for my wine.

Now, Santa. You know I love my wine. And isn’t it such a hassle to keep getting up and refilling those puny tiny glasses. But here, we have a wine glass that holds an entire BOTTLE of wine. It’s perfection. It’s everything that I want in the world…nay, it’s everything that I NEED. Don’t worry Santa, I’ll share with you. We can have a wine night and gossip whose been naughty and nice this year, while watching some bad Christmas movies on Lifetime.

Oh, and if you could bring one of these wine glasses to my bestie, Kayla, that’d be awesome. She’s the one who introduced me to them, and I know she’d LOVE to join in our wine nights!

Next, I’m going to need this swimming pool.

Look, Santa. I get it. I don’t own a house, so technically I have nowhere to PUT this pool. But we can figure something out. Maybe you can buy me a nice house with a backyard, just so I can have this pool. I mean, Santa. Did you even WATCH this video? This is the future of water-based leisure. If you can make this happen for me, you WILL be invited over for some pool parties in the summer (we all know that you’re just relaxing and vacationing all summer anyway). Make sure you bring your giant wine glass.

Next on the list, we have this bad boy:

His name is Zompo. and he was created by Art by KC. He is a zombie hippo. And if you know me, you know my obsession with zombies. I love zombies. I have an entire folder on my iPhone dedicated to zombie-based iPhone games. I was a zombie for halloween (and saved my zombie clothes so I can dress up as a zombie any other day of the year, when I feel so compelled!). I’m currently reading a zombie memoir. If I could have this adorable zombie hippo, I think my life would be complete.

Lastly, I want a puppy.

Isn’t he ADORABLE. We would play fetch with tiny sticks and cuddle and be best friends forever. I love puppies and I just want one of my own. I don’t think this requires much more explanation…I mean just look at that sweet face. He just wants to be loved! But, if you need more inspiration, go to Daily Puppy, but be careful. You might get sucked in to the adorable-ness of all the puppies and might forget all about Christmas…and then I’ll never receive any of my Christmas gifts!

That’s all I want! Maybe some world peace, elimination of hunger, equal rights for everyone, and for Scott Walker to be recalled, if you have the time.
I’ll see you in  5 days! And have a Merry Christmas!

 

Edit: My two favorite people in the world, Mike & Kayla, made this super awesome “Dear Santa” post on their blog. Kayla is the one who pointed me in the direction of this awesome wine glass, via said blog post. They say imitation is the highest form of flattery. I say that it’s call “Emily takes an inspiration from a post and does it better.” :) Love you, bitches.